I don't know if there is anyone out there still, but I need to express this weird mood that I'm in. I happened across the story of Bryan Timm's death and I had a very strange experience. I wasn't sad. That's easy to write off though, since I wasn't all that close to him and I haven't seen him in about two years. The story prompted me to dig through my things and pull out the one yearbook that I brought with me. That's when I started to feel the pangs of loss. Of memories forgotten. Of friends lost.
It's at this point that I realize how much I love, everything. There are specific times I remember from high school, middle school, and the distant childhood, where the very thought of the days brings peace and happiness to me. In some sad sort of irony one of the times that I love the most was the time right after Kevin died. I know that I may have said this before, but there was such an amazing bond formed between that entire class. That entire school. Now, as I move along in life I find that bond is disappearing, even between those whom I considered the closest of friends. Mind you there is no fault placed, maybe some on my inability to keep in touch. However there is a longing for that same love, that same undying bond that some seems to be disappearing.
That bond doesn't seem to come as readily at college. Again no blame is placed, except possibly on my urge to move every semester, but this is one reason why I sometimes describe myself as one who lives in the high school days. It's not because of the good things that happened to me, but because of the people I loved. The terrible thought that I may never have that again, at least nowhere near that level. Such a feeling of companionship and love. Does this make sense?
It's not impossible to form such bonds, but I feel that this college atmosphere is too large, fast-paced, and unstable to provide the peace that I miss. This may again be my fault. We can do whatever we want in this life. I know that I do have true friends here. Bosom friends. Those whom I love. They are the ones who aren't put off by the fact that I have some really bad days. They don't mind that there are some days where I don't want to talk to anyone, especially them. They are the ones from back home who are slipping away from me, but I would still do anything for them. If it came to it, I would like to think that I would even sacrifice an organ, or even my life.

I'm not too sure why this strand of thought came all the way over here. I'm just in a very repentant mood. A longing mood.

I love you.