I make this post for my friends. I do not know who still reads these posts, but I would especially like this one to be read. Today, on a whim, driven by curiosity or by some other means, I decided to look up "Mormon" on YouTube. What I got was what I should have expected. There was video after video which insulted and ripped apart a faith that has been such a powerful and positive influence in my life. This was not so much angering as it was saddening. I watched very few of the videos, but I found a common thread between all of them. Every single one had an accusing and hateful tone. It was argumentative and spiteful.
Then about halfway down the second or third page I found a video that described itself as the testimony of Gordon B. Hinkley, the current leader of my church. It was a section from a longer video that I had seen many times before, especially in the early morning seminary that I attended. I decided that I would watch it. What a change I felt. The tone of the video was one of peace and calm. I immediately felt at peace, and I was deeply touched by the message that I heard, even though I had heard it so many times prior.
What made me so sad was the juxtaposition of these videos. How there is still so much confusion in the world. How people can be so hateful towards something that has brought peace and comfort to lives of millions. I have seen it, both in my own life and in the life of some of those dearest to me.
I understand that some of my dear friends who might be reading this do not have the same beliefs that I do. I understand that some do not believe in God, and I have no right to tell you what to believe. I truly hope that what I have said and what I will say will not come of as preachy or condemning. I do not wish that at all.
What I would like is for the understanding and acceptance of those whom I love. You see, it entered my mind that there is a chance that this confusion or even this hatred that I found in numerous videos might be amongst my friends, a term I do not wish to use lightly. I do not mean to say that you hate me or that you hate any Mormon. However, that does not mean that you understand how much I love this church and what it has done for me.
Please, I do not try to sound accusatory. Any lack of understanding on your part is due to a failure of communication on my part. I try to avoid forcing religious conversations on anyone because I value your companionship more than anything, and it would devastate me to lose any friend because of some religious agenda. But again, that does not mean I don't desire to share some of my thoughts with you.
So this is what I ask of you. To my friends who aren't Mormon, and even to those who are, would you sacrifice a little time for me? The video that I mentioned above truly is one that I hold dear to my heart. It is a compilation of the leaders of my church bearing their testimonies on various aspects of my beliefs. It is not a long video, it is all on YouTube. It can be found by searching for "Special Witnesses of Christ." It is in fifteen or so parts, each individual one has a certain power and spirit to it. What I hope is that you will watch it, the whole thing, and while watching you will try to understand a little better where I am coming from and what I believe in. I hope you come to understand a little my belief in the power of spiritual things. I hope that you will watch it with an open heart. And, lastly, I would hope that you will feel comfortable asking me about anything. No matter what the question, I hope that you will allow me to try to clear any confusion you may have.

Again, I hope that you do not feel that I am pushing you to do anything that you would rather not do. But I do ask that you would do this thing for me. I wish that was able to be there with you. And I do love you, I understand that this word has lost meaning, I understand that this is not the desired medium for telling you, but when I think on each one of you, all I can think of is love. I will see you soon.

Christian

Avoiding things is weird, especially since for me it just brings more stress and pain into my life. So why do I do it? I think that if I can answer that question life will become a lot easier. I'm getting to the point where I know that I'm avoiding something and I say "you're avoiding something... yeah let's do it anyway." That's a bad thing.

Technically I think I'm avoiding bed right now so that I don't have to face my obligations tomorrow. But I love tomorrow. I actually have some relaxation planned. So back to my original statement. Avoiding things is weird. Why am I avoiding progression to something that I enjoy?

Bands I currently love:
Matthew Dear
Burial
Menomena
Krishna Das
Daft Punk

Plus all the ones that I've already loved forever.

Today was good. I'm loving learning, even if it's not something that I normally would enjoy. I'm currently reading a book on absurdist theatre. I'm finding joy in listening to kirtans which I think are loosely translated as Hindu hymns.

I'm pretty homesick, but I usually get this way about now. I think that I'll be able to make it.

It's always a pleasure to get a compliment. Especially from someone who is considered an authority.

I've been having weird thoughts. Like: Why is it so easy to write when I am angry, but when I am happy I don't find the words flowing so quickly. Is anger based in the left-brain and joy based in the right-brain?

You see, things like that have been popping up in my head.

So, I try to accept responsibility for my actions, and I try to accept responsibility in life.

Time to be responsible.