I've decided to post today so that I can set an unprecedented record of nine posts in one month! That's a record that I may be able to beat, but I fear that if I try to force myself to write then the content will become repetitive and it won't be heartfelt. I hope that is how I come across, heartfelt. I hope that you feel that I am really divulging my inner feelings and deepest secrets to you. Oh here's something new, I'll post a picture!

<--Butterfly this image is protected under copyrights.

Oh a heart is a pocket for loose change,
and we scrape and we save and we wait for a raise.
Rhythm by Page France

The difference between general rap and true hip-hop, especially underground, comes from two things as far as I can tell. First there is a much more depth and musicality to the background music. Second comes from the intelligence of the lyrics and the content as well.

It's true I'm really just trying to make myself sound smarter than I really am. But really, the second that you hear a true underground song, the difference is obvious.

I thought about this because I heard an awesome line and it needs to be shared. Then I thought I may as well start a series of all of my favorite lyrics. However, I don't have them written down, so it may be a post as I hear them thing.

"I was born flirtatious/ jumped out my mom and kissed the nurses faces/ skipped over first base." Hat and Shoes by Musab

I literally laughed out loud. Hope you enjoy these as they come.

It's been a good day. I say that because I don't think that it gets said enough. I'm so quick to see the bad, and to point out how I've been wronged. Yet, when things go right, I'm still focusing on the past and on the terrible things that happened. So take that pessimism.

"When the Savior waits to greet you as you return with honor from your life on this earth and your Heavenly Father wants to encircle you about in the arms of His love, be there."
-Elder Robert D. Hales

I think to this point I've stayed away from religion as the topic of my writings. I don't know if that was in some effort not to alienate those people whom I know who do not share the same beliefs that I do, or whether it has just never really come up all that often. Whatever the reason, I chose to share the above quote because it made a deep impact on me when I read it. I was so touched by the loving imagery that is used. I really hope that it will be like that after death. That there will be a loving friend/savior/relative, someone who has missed me so much that I will just fall into their embrace and never let go. It's a very euphoric dream but I think that is why it will be heaven and not like life as we know it. Full of doubts and confusion.

There is so much potential in life. I'm not living up to mine.

"To have compassion for those who suffer is a human quality which everyone should possess, especially those who have required comfort themselves in the past and have managed to find it in others."
Giovanni Boccaccio's The Decameron

It really amazes/frustrates me that any amateur with a digital camera can 'point and shoot' and turn out an amazing picture. But when I work and work at my photography, I still churn out some really crappy stuff.

Oh, a heart is a pocket for loose change
We scrape and we save and we wait for a raise
Rhythm by Page France

But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems f-ing cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
A Better Son/Daugter by Rilo Kiley

It's been a rough couple of days. Lethargy manages to set in at the worst times. Watching things crumble around me should force me into action, but I find some sort of distraction for my mind.

So again I turn to music and movies to make me happy, and to glean those life lessons that should be learned from a better source. I'm a let down and a downer. What a great combination. The thing that I hate most about truly sharing my feelings with people, through blogs or whatever, is that they feel like they need to make me feel better. A call usually comes after the post, "are you okay?" I am, I just have bad days. Sometimes I need to sulk. I don't want someone taking it on themselves to make me feel better.

I'm not really even sure what I'm writing. What it comes down to is that on the depressing days I am a paradox. I am lonely and sad and I just want to curl up in a ball, or give someone a big hug. Yet at the same time I am equally angry and unwilling to see anyone. I distance myself from the very thing that I want.

I'm really sorry for the tone of this post, and I'm just rambling now. So I'm done.